I have just finished reading Jerry Travers’ magnificent obituary on the website of the Ippolito Funeral Home in Summit, NJ. I am through with sobbing for now. The feelings of “this can’t be true – that he is really gone” still come and go. His wake and funeral will be another step in dealing with the reality of his death, but I do not expect to fully grasp that he is no longer with us for some time to come. The narrative arc of Jerry’s life was thrilling to read in its condensed but rich form, and many of the remarks brought him back to life for a few minutes. The way his early life informed so much of what we came to know of him in AAP was lovingly captured, along with the sense of his heartfelt searching, longing to connect in his shy way, and his quirky Irish-Canadian wit. He had brains to spare. Murray Scher and Jerry held up the extreme ends of the continuum of sartorial attunement and expression in the Academy, while they simultaneously shared a tight contiguity and connection in matters of truth telling, intellectual acuity, a sometimes mordant sense of humor, and deep curiosity about the art and science of psychotherapy. Such are the odd couples who are the lifeblood of our band of wandering Arameans. The immediate message I received from Murray upon his hearing of Jerry’s death contained his memory of a remark Jerry made years ago during the nadir of the AAP Talent Show – “Murray, you know, the talent show is what killed vaudeville.”
Jerry belonged to a long-lived (over 30 years) and vital AAP “family group.” Its current members include Elaine Levin, Jennifer Savitz, Debbie Schwartz Kuhn, Don Murphy, Ray Lovett, Kitty LaPerriere, Karen Smith, Matthew Leary, Brooke McLaughlin, Mindy Meachem, Elizabeth Echeverria Field, and Kelly Barclay. Within the last few years they have lost to death longtime members Sol Rosenberg, Jeannie Shaw, Bruce Schell and now, Jerry. This is both statistically heartbreaking as well as emotionally staggering when we recall the contributions to AAP these now-absent members made over the years of their participation – a president, several EC members, workshops chaired, and innovative workshop and I&C presentations given too numerous to even try to count up, never mind the behind-the-scenes committee work, unofficial consultations, and PR work they did for the Academy. Like many family groups, they have been through thick and thin with one another. Unlike many family groups, they have dealt with the problem of succession with more courage, vitality and forethought than I believe most of the rest of us have. They have a real age range in their group. In my group, since the death of Alice Umbach, the mean, median, and modal age are almost the same number. I do not, of course, have reliable demographic data on all of the other “family” (a term I do not really like) groups in the Academy. My sense however, is that the issue of succession is related to a number of other dynamics that are beginning to be more directly addressed by us, including an unclear notion of how one gains admission to a group, entrenched notions of specialness, and the denial of death.
This is more than the usual “carpe diem” pep talk that often accompanies the death of a loved one. I hope that these thoughts prompt us all to think of the ongoing life and vitality of AAP, our reverence and devotion not only to one another now, but our awareness of the quality of the legacy that will go on after we’re gone.
Hallie Lovett
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