Time to Say Goodbye

Since this is my final column as your President, I want to take this opportunity to say a few heartfelt goodbyes without “poaching” anything from my speech in Austin for the really, really final goodbye (I promise).

So, uppermost in my mind is saying goodbye to the most difficult, the most personally challenging, and the most rewarding office I have ever held…and I have held many offices in my lifetime, since I have wanted to boss around any group I have belonged to…just ask my Family Group!  I decided long ago that I would use this time given to me by you as an invitation to grow and learn, occasionally kicking and screaming, but mostly feeling curious and stimulated.  Yes, one of the things I have learned more about is how fulfilling it is to be of service rather than to control.

I say a heartfelt goodbye to the best team with whom anyone, anywhere, could have worked.   Our EC, our Committee Chairs, and our Editors have all really pitched in and worked well both alone and together.  I am really going to miss the honor of your permission to lead you and work beside you.  After a few months with us, Lyn Taylor and John Grazianno, both leaders at Cap Hill, said to me that they had never seen an organization where so many members volunteered for jobs, then worked so hard and cared so much about the jobs they were doing, as we do in AAP.  They only echoed my own astonishment at your generosity and love for this organization. The EC has supported me, challenged me, picked me up when I fell down, made me laugh when I felt like crying, and given me more good loving than I ever thought possible.  For someone who is still learning to ask for help, you were the perfect teachers.  I got all the help I needed and so much more.  Maybe best of all, I got company in the struggle.  For an only child, this is a revelation.  It’s these precious relationships with you around the work of AAP that I most grieve to let go.

There is no doubt among us that this job is not for the faint of heart; it is a crucible where you will have the chance to see your faults and their consequences, your character for better or for worse, and have at least some of your blind spots pointed out to you in no uncertain terms.  Sometimes it’s hard to feel grateful for this type of feedback, at least in the moment, but it can become a valuable insight into our deepest selves, if we can open to it.  As I step down, there are many such moments I treasure and will take with me.  I also saw my strengths in action, resulting in a more realistic appreciation of the particular gifts I do have as well as those that I do not.

On a lighter note, I say goodbye to the free President’s Suites, the free meeting registrations, the power and prestige, the blame and the doubt. Goodbye to copious emails asking for my opinion, or my experience, or my approval.  Goodbye to waking up in the night or the morning and having AAP be one of the top two things on my mind to worry about.  And I sure hope I can say goodbye to those anxious AAP dreams where I arrive at the school or meeting room unprepared for the exam…or I can’t find the room at all.

As I close this article, I feel sadness, pride, nostalgia, relief, and excitement about what will happen next for AAP and for me.  I believe we, your volunteer leaders, have done the best possible job we could do as a team for all of you.  I am proud of us and of what we have accomplished these last two years.  We have each done our part.  I leave with a full and happy heart. Mission accomplished and the captain is the better for it. 

Lorrie Hallman  

Who Is It You Think You See? Musings on Transformation

by Dairlyn Chelette

      The I&C committee did a beautiful job of elucidating their thinking about identity in the theme statement of the brochure, with transformation as a subtext.  Yet it was the notion of transformation, as it is introduced in the theme, which stirred my most vivid associations.    

  

     The critically acclaimed series, Breaking Bad, swept the Emmy awards this year.  Superb acting and scripting aside, its enormous appeal lies in the fact that Breaking Bad is fundamentally a story about transformation; to the dark side for sure, but transformation nonetheless.  Walter, the impotent, weak and un-noteworthy high school chemistry teacher receives a diagnosis of terminal cancer.  The diagnosis gives him new life and explodes his emotional cocoon.  He uses his knowledge of chemistry to become a master crystal meth cook and, in order to keep his operation running, transforms himself into a notorious outlaw who is willing to kill.

     We watch him descend into a secret world that unleashes aspects of his unrealized self.  In a pivotal scene, Walter’s wife, fearing for his life, urges him to turn himself in, plead for mercy and return to the limited, contained man he was before.  But it is way too late.  Walter is too far along in his transformative journey.  His ego has been opened to his sense of power, and he can never again deny the full range of who he is.  “I am not in danger,” he snarls… “I AM the danger!  Who are you talking to?  Who is it you think you see?”

     At the other end of the spectrum, psychoanalyst Ethel Person, in her book, Dreams of Love and Fateful Encounters, explores the transformative power of romantic passion, including the related dynamics associated with erotic transference.  She notes that falling in love creates a situation in which the self is exposed to new risks and enlarged possibilities.  “Love arises from within ourselves as a creative act that aims to fulfill our deepest longings, our oldest dreams, and allows us to both renew and transform ourselves.  Though seldom endless and never perfect, it is an extremely powerful force.” Whether self-transforming or self-deluding, under the sway of romantic passion, a part of the personality is freed. It is a force capable of changing the lover in profound ways.

  

     In his remarkable book, Traumatic Narcissism, Daniel Shaw delves deeply and personally into the traumatic impact of narcissism in interpersonal relationships in which one person’s identity and subjectivity (needs, feelings, perceptions) is seen as a threat to the narcissist’s sense of moral superiority, and must be suppressed.  He identifies this dynamic as the “traumatizing narcissist’s relational system,” which is characterized by “the complementary moral defense;” an emotional system in which claims of moral superiority and unyielding infallibility on the part of the narcissist require that the other accept and carry the burden of badness and moral failure, or risk abandonment.  In this system, one is always wrong, and cannot win.

For Alice, it was as though she were perpetually on trial before a kangaroo court, on charges of moral turpitude.  At the age of eight, she dreamed that a favorite toy, her beloved stuffed guinea pig, was suddenly staring at her, and as she watched it terror, it said, “You can say one thing before you die.”  Her last word before waking, was “Me.”

      At stake is her psychic survival: i.e., her ability to experience herself as a subject, rather than as the depersonalized, dehumanized object of the other’s requirements, demands, and judgments.

He gives a moving account of his own narcissistic lapse with this patient.

     

Initially when I feel myself under attack, I cannot see my own badness.  Most often, with Alice, what I can’t see is that sometimes when I think I am helping her, I am actually hurting her, and instead of being willing to recognize it and acknowledge it, I get mad at her for being hurt when I think that what she should feel is helped.  Whatever I said that triggered her or made her shut down or panic may have been right, but my rightness is not as important as the pain I am evoking in her.  If I can let myself feel my own shame about the pain I inflict, we can get somewhere.

Transformation out of objectification occurs in the process of repairing relational disruptions:  acknowledging fallibility, being accountable for doing harm, apologizing, making amends, forgiving--all of which are intersubjective processes.

     

Transformation can lead us down a path for good or ill.  Whether it comes in the form of a powerful emotional experience, or through the painstaking and careful dismantling of outmoded defenses, the essential element is its ability to throw personality in flux long enough to make room for buried aspects of the self to be revealed. Psychotherapy’s value lies in its capacity to offer opportunities for freeing the self from the cocoon of limiting patterns.  Our hope for our patients and ourselves is that we may come to know a fuller range of who we are and of life’s possibilities.  What I value so much about the Academy is its unique invitation to all of us to explore together what it is that transforms us in our work and in our lives, and to risk asking…who is it that you think you see?  

Southern Region News

Our Southern Region Committee has been actively and creatively planning and executing our fall, winter, and spring programs. We held our fall Salon in Atlanta on September 26, 2014.  Sharon Faro, PhD was our esteemed speaker and her topic was “Transformation in Psychotherapy Using Non-Ordinary States of Consciousness: A Shamanistic and Holotropic Approach.”  She held us spellbound with her training information and led us in a guided imagery process that deepened the experience for the participants. 

We had 50 attendees, including six brand new people, and fourteen non-member returnees. The rest were AAP members. We are in the process of planning our winter Salon to be held in January or early February.

The planning for our Spring Conference is well on its way. The location will be the Ridges Resort and Marina in Hiawassee, Ga.  This is a return site for us and may become our mountain home. The dates are March 20-13, 2015, so please “save the dates.”  Our theme, presenters, and program are in the making . Look for our brochure in early January. 

We have said goodbye to two pivotal and esteemed members of long standing.  Hannah Hawkins-Esther and Ken Turner have left to go on to other ventures.  We will miss their hard work, creative ideas, valuable service, and lovely presence. We wish them well!  Our two new members are Bob Coyle and Mitch Foy. They have hit the ground running and are bringing creative ideas and the willingness to work hard with them.

Our financial standing is solid and we have a system in place for reporting our finances to Central office. Our “Joel Rachelson” scholarships continue to give students a helping hand financially to attend our conferences 

We are grateful that we have such a great opportunity to both introduce new, as well as help returning attendees, get a “taste” of AAP. We are noticing an increase in diversity in our attendees, both at the Salons and Spring Conference.

Maureen Martin, Chair, Curt Arey, Treasurer, Nancy Moser, Secretary, Melissa Beddingfield, Lucie Lie-Nielsen, Don Murphy, Dairlyn Chelette, Bob Coyle and Mitch Foy.

BUTTERNUT SQUASH CASSEROLE

Contributed by Maureen Martin to make your holidays joyous!

1 butternut squash (Costco sells fresh cubed butternut squash which mashes into 4 cups)

1 cup white sugar

1 ½ cups milk

1 tsp. vanilla

1 pinch salt

2 tbs. flour

3 eggs 

¼ cup butter melted

TOPPING

½ box (16oz) vanilla wafers crushed

½ cup butter melted

1 cup brown sugar 

Preheat oven to 425 deg.

If not using Costco cubed squash do step 1.  Otherwise go to step 2.

1. 1. Put butternut squash in microwave and cook on high, until soft.  2 to 3 minutes.  Cut in half, scoop out seeds and cube. 
2. 2. Bring a large pot of water to a boil.  Add squash and cook until tender, about 15 minutes.  Drain and mash.
3. 3. In a 9 x 13inch casserole, combine 3 cups mashed squash (4 if Costco’s), white sugar, milk, vanilla, salt, flour, eggs, and ¼ cup butter.
4. 4. Bake in preheated oven for 45 minutes or until set.
5. 5. In a medium bowl combine crushed vanilla wafers, ½ cup melted butter and brown sugar.  Crumble over cooked casserole and return to oven to brown.

Following an Example

Inspired by the example of other Academy members who have given time and money to the Academy, Hallie and I now join them by honoring Vivien Guze and Michael Fiveash with a contribution to the Scholarship fund in their honor.

In honor of Vivien Guze turning 90 whose 50+ years of courageous honesty, love and dedication have enriched so many of us.

In memory of Michael Fiveash, Classics teacher, who passed on his love of learning, life with rich kindness.

     

We honor honesty in the Academy in our truth telling words, one of our strengths. Showing appreciation with cash exceeds the warmth of words and adds a touch of permanence to this wondrous work we do.   

                      Hallie and Ray Lovett

Go and do likewise.

News from Endowment & Trust Board/Scholarship Committee

By Neil Makstein, along with the AAP Endowment & Trust Board, and Scholarship Committee

 At our recent Brasstown Summer Workshop, Damon Blank and I invited our members to contribute to AAP’s three voluntary funds (Endowment, Trust and Scholarship Funds) as a way of marking personal events in our lives.  We were grateful as members stood up in community meetings to announce contributions. 

• • Damon Blank pledged a contribution to the Endowment Fund in honor of his upcoming 32^nd wedding anniversary.
• • Murray Sher pledged a contribution to the Endowment Fund in honor of his 50th wedding anniversary.
• • Barbara Lidsky pledged a contribution to the Endowment Fund in honor of beloved member Jerry Travers, who passed away recently.
• • David Hawkins pledged a contribution to the Endowment Fund to honor his recent marriage to his partner James.
• • Jacob Megdell pledged a contribution to the Scholarship Fund in honor of the 53^rd anniversary of his Bar Mitzvah.
• • Neil Makstein, Bruce Ellman and Susan Levy pledged a contributions to the Endowment Fund to honor Damon’s wedding anniversary and his leadership of the Endowment Committee.
• • Carol Light, Ruthann Fox-Hines, Sharman Colosetti, Nick Kirsch, Barbara Thomason and Susan Levy all made contributions to the Scholarship Committee to honor their good work on behalf our Scholars Program. 

And more recently, 

• • Gordon Cohen made a contribution to the Trust fund in honor of his son Daniel graduating from High school. 

Many thanks to all of these members! If you would like to add your pledge in honor of significant life events or loved ones, you can do so online at the AAP website as well as on your annual dues statement or at the I&C. 

If you aren’t clear on how these funds work, here is a brief summary:

AAP’s Endowment, Trust, and Scholarship Funds:

• • The AAP Trust Fund was established primarily in order to assist members who are experiencing financial hardship, to participate in Summer Workshops and I&Cs.
• 
  
• • The AAP Endowment Fund was established in 2003 in order to provide the Academy with savings and investments to support future growth, as well as life-sustaining organizational projects (e.g. Voices).
• 
  
• • The AAP Scholarship Fund provides annual need-blind scholarships of $1000 to qualified beginning psychotherapists in order to help them attend our I&C, and to commit to their personal and professional development.

Membership is “Holding Steady”

This summer there was a brief but lovely interchange on the AAPnet which centered around our membership: the ebb and flow of those who join; musings on why we appeal to some and not others; and the steady, slow, methodical work that has been done by the outreach, retention, membership and mentoring committees.

As 2014 comes to a close, I do want to report a bit about our numbers. In this past year we have processed 14 applications for membership and we have 5 more to be considered at this EC meeting in Austin. If all are approved, that’s 19 new members for 2014!!  As of September 1, 2014 we have a total of 180 Full members, 105 Life members, 8 Associate Members and 2 Student Members. 

Our application and reference process is fully digital, reactivation is painless and we are now vetting members in the Associate member category for attendance at SW.  We have a new handout for easy reference extolling the “Benefits of Membership” and we have begun to track those who qualify for the honor of life membership certification. I want to express my gratitude to the mentoring committee: Laura June, David Loven and Giuliana Reed and especially to the membership committee: Denise Castro, Dairlyn Chelette, Susan Diamond, Susan Jacobson and Sandy Ebrahimi. I also want to recognize the community at large for their willingness to accept the change that new members bring while retaining the integrity of the whole. I look forward to 2015!

Nelia Rivers, LCSW

AAP Membership/Mentoring Chair